Saturday, May 2, 2009

Attempt Two:
Sometimes I solitude. Sometimes I get away from my husband and children and job and house and interweb. Sometimes I don't talk for hours with only a journal and pen as my companions. Sometimes I go far from home where the surroundings are unfamiliar and quiet.

Today I brought M&Ms and pretzels. I stayed in a small conference room with an endless supply of sweet tea while the other forty retreat-attenders set out for the gardens, the great outdoors, the wind, the chill, the uncomfortable ground. I turned up the CD of nature sounds being piped through the PA system, birds chirped at me from the comfortable 71-degree man-made space and I felt 'still'.

Nature really isn't my 'thing'. Nothing against it of course, I think it's lovely to look at, but it rarely tugs at my soul in the way I hear other people say. Not that a conference room tugs at my soul either. I surprised a fellow-retreat-attender when I said I hadn't gone to the gardens, "Really" she said surprised, "I had you pegged as an outdoors girl, like a nature lover." Could it be the ponytail, poorly fitting clothes and pitiful makeup application I wondered - surely not.

In the stillness of the conference room I poured over Luke 12, an odd choice and not-at-all random, rather a very directed study about the 'Do Not Worry' section. I renamed it "Anxiety is Futile" - did I mention I want to see the new Star Trek movie [nerd alert], perhaps an overlap in consiousness there. I took notes of my thoughts, and spent a lot of time with my head turned up and to the left in deep thought, similar to the way my dad does but with about half the brain power as my dad.

I came away with some challenging thoughts on my mind, still wanting for more quiet time to think and pray. Thoughts about anxiety, thoughts about what 'God's kingdom' really is, and the question - is 'earth' the opposite of 'heaven' or is 'hell' and what are the implications of such a pronouncement of one or the other? 

1 comment:

Melody Milbrandt said...

I have to say, a big thumb's up to attempt 2. Nice writing Katie. Pulled me right in. Humor, comfort, depth, and a familiar camaraderie to it's style that's quite inviting.
Your solitude time sounds like it was perfect (even sans garden). ;)