Forty Things I've Learned in 40 Years

1.  If you buy an “I’m sorry your Dad died” card at the same time you buy a “I’m sorry your dog died” card, take great care putting them into their respective envelopes before mailing – though your boss’s recently widowed mother will get a good laugh from the whole thing.
2. Always end a visit with your grandparents with “I love you” – linger a little longer – you never know when it will be your last goodbye.
3. Make a budget and stick to it, trust me on this, it is no fun but the alternative is worse.
4. Breastfeeding is challenging, like whoa. Some babies just get it, some don’t, all moms are rock stars regardless.
5. If you think breastfeeding is challenging, wait until you teach her to drive!
6. Delivering a delicious, homemade meal to someone is the best way to improve your mood and theirs.
7. In a moment of utter despair and crisis, kind words and prayers make a difference – offer them generously and receive them with gratitude.
8. Set two alarms, otherwise you’ll find yourself standing in a college campus intersection, sobbing and begging the first car you see to drive you to your Calculus 3 final that starts in five minutes.
9. If you’re 39 weeks pregnant and suddenly think you’ve peed your pants – your water just broke – trust me on this.
10. Unless you want to be hospitalized and lose a significant amount of weight, do NOT brush your teeth with tap water in Mexico.
11. Before signing your child up for a youth sport… like ice skating, as an example… do a tad bit of research on the cost – some things escalate quickly.
12. Take pictures – lots and lots – your children will grow old someday and want to recall your smile.
13. If your car slides off the road on an icy night, get everyone out of the car and far from traffic. More cars will hit the same patch of ice and you’ll watch your brother get pinned between them and you’ll regret not taking better care of your little brother.
14. When opening a can with a pop top lid, do not hold a crying baby on your hip whilst trying to negotiate teenage emotions with your tired brain, otherwise you will end up in the ER for 5 stitches.
15. If, while getting a pedicure, you note that the establishment you have found yourself in has a very dirty fish tank – put on your socks and leave immediately. Toenail health is a rather precarious thing that is very, VERY hard to regain.
16. A true friend brings you a bag of Peanut M&Ms, or a frosted sugar cookie, when you need it the most – treasure these people.
17. If your child receives a large amount of cash for Christmas – do not let them carry it around IKEA for an hour only to discover they think they set it down somewhere. You will backtrack that irritating maze for hours only to conclude it was stolen.
18. Choose your battles very carefully. It is easier to effect changed behavior through praise and by example than by punishment – this applies to children, spouses and coworkers.
19. Life is uncharted, the future is what you make it. A hard, sad, discouraging chapter is not the end – mourn, lament, breath and believe there will be better days ahead. If you find this hard to believe, find people who will convince you and treasure them the rest of your life.
20. Phases of the early years with little ones can be tough but they are always short-lived. The same goes for the fun stuff, too. Everyday is a challenging gift with kids, grace upon grace as you struggle to enjoy and endure all at the same time.
21. Always tell the truth. Always. Your integrity is worth protecting.
22. Never ever, EVER send an unkind email response to one person about another person – you absolutely will accidently send it to the unintended audience and you absolutely will feel bad about it ten years later.
23. Planning ahead is lovely, but you really learn how ingenious you can be when you have to fashion a baby outfit out of a swaddle because someone’s had a blowout.
24. There are only one or two dusks a year when the cherry blossoms gently fall into the tidal basin in Washington, D.C. If you happen to find yourself anywhere near the East Coast on one of these evenings run, don’t walk, to this glorious event and soak in the Narnia that it is.
25. No one comes through forty years of life unscathed. Therapy works. Everyone should have a good therapist. If the therapist knows EMDR, all the better.
26. Michigan beaches are better than ocean beaches. No salt. No sharks. Don’t DM me.
27. Life is not a race, or a contest. You can only pick two or three things you really care about at any one time. If you’ve chosen something different than someone else be happy for them, not jealous or judgy – neither are a good look.
28. Confirm your flight the night before, otherwise you might miss your dinner with Micky Mouse.
29. If a group of all-male students insinuates that the only way you earned an A in your Circuits class was through unbecoming behavior, do not quit engineering school – just look forward to the day you can enjoy your well-earned spot on the stage at graduation.
30. Vacations with children are so much work and a lot of money – but when your little boy lays in bed on a cold winter night and drifts off to sleep by saying, “Mom, remember Colorado? I really liked Colorado. We should do that again” you will know it was worth it.
31. One day the doctor will call with bad news – your head will jump to terrifying thoughts that do you no good. Be sure you have some truth in your back pocket that can be the pillow you rest your tired head on – God is near, she is loved, you are strong, God is near, God is near, God is near.
32. Have cash on hand, especially if you are going to Santa-Cali-Gon Days (or Missouri Town Fall Festival) (or Weston Apple Festival) because you ARE going to want kettle corn and an Artic Lemon and possibly a turkey leg or a craft.
33. Don’t spend too much time wishing things were different, especially the things that are out of your control. Focus on making the best of it, seeing the best in them, and being grateful for the good that can be found.
34. If you notice a coworker crying on Christmas Eve, don’t ignore or pretend not to notice. Ask if everything is alright, and then sit for a while as he tells you about his wife’s sudden passing and how he’s facing his first Christmas without her. You’ll become his go-to for mom advice as his kids get older and when he retires he will thank you for being a true friend.
35. If you find yourself in an impoverished border town as a young missionary who thinks you know a whole lot, buckle up because the world is bigger and far more complex then you could imagine. God has work to do on your closed-mind and heart.
36. Your children and your spouse will find interests, and haircuts, that you don’t particularly care for. Listen to the weird music, ignore the hair, watch the TikTok – lean into the things you don’t understand and love their core.
37. If you interview with a construction company on a bitterly cold day, don’t leave your coat in your car. They will think you want to walk around in a hard hat in the out-of-doors, the audacity! You will freeze.
38. When the fire alarm goes off at work, grab your car keys. It will be days before they let you back in.
39. Pay close attention to what you are uniquely good at. Leverage and capitalize on it, it’s what the world desperately needs.
40. It all boils down to a choice between love and fear. Choose love. In the end, love wins.