Friday, April 25, 2008

Friday's Fond Memory
baby Carolyn

They say 'time flies when you're having fun', so the intuitive opposite of that would be 'misery makes the clock stop' or something like that. I was going through some photos from a few years back after C was born. This picture was a turning point in our relationship, when time started to fly. When Carolyn was born I took it hard, as a lot of new moms do I guess. I was struggling with the 'baby blues' and all of the ugly thoughts that accompany that time. I felt as though I would be stuck with this needy, demanding, life altering, body altering, sleep depriving, projectile vomiting miniature person forever. We'd never do anything spontaneous again without first planning and packing a truck load of gear to accompany us. This was the winter of 2004-05 for me. Lots of crying and feeling sorry for myself, wondering 'WHAT were we thinking!!!'. I know that sounds harsh, but it is truly what I was feeling. I loved Carolyn but didn't really like that she was SO permanent, SO much responsibility. All of that to say that this day is when I can really say the clock stopped it's miserable crawl and began to race. At some magic moment C and I clicked, all of a sudden I couldn't imagine life without her, what's stranger is that I didn't want to imagine life without her. Perhaps it was the budding spring, or her incredible spirit shining through even then, whatever it was I was hooked. We were on Ross and Kate's deck when B caught this picture. It's funny because I look SO relieved and totally in love with this beautiful daughter of mine, and she looks like she's saying "Yeah Mom, I've been crazy about you all along, what took you so long!?!" What's even funnier is that C has brought a spontaneity to our lives that make our former existence seem so boring, and she'll be four in the fall and here I thought she'd never 'grow up' I wish time would slow down!

No comments: